THE SIMKIN PAPERS

I was never able to smoke cigarettes because of my lungs. It hurts to breathe. It always has, which is unfortunate because exhaled smoke is the most graceful type of spit. I fell in love with the idea of creating art with my mouth that can pirouette through the air and then vanish at the peak of its beauty.

Decreased decreased decreased decreased. Every letter has a curve in it.

I assume that the phrase "tasted like a million bucks" is so popular because a large number of rich people have actually sprinkled a pile of cash with some salt and ingested it, and all agreed that a million dollars was delicious.

She had an incredible imagination and made up stories in her head about all of the people she came across. She was happy one moment. Dead the next.

Because u can't sleep on a cloud or u'll fall, but u can sleep on a pillow, and a pillow is just as fancy. And I'M fancy.

"I think Oodle is dead." She whispered to me.

"Well let's go see, what made you thnk that?" I asked.
"Cuz.", she said, "I pissed in his ear and he didn't move! And he ALWAYS moves when I piss in his ear!"

"YOU DID WHAT!!!!?" I squawked, almost angrily.
Pillow replied, "I pick him up and I say 'Psst, wake up, I wanna play! When I 'psst' in his ear, he always smiles and plays! But not today."